Tag Archive: Parody


Spam-I-Am – A Seuss Parody

I haven’t done a full parody for a long time and as I had nothing better to do on a Saturday night, I now present to you my first  parody of a book. Dr Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham. My previous blog post shows where I found my inspiration.

JUNK MAIL AND SPAM

I am Spam

I am Spam
Spam I am

That Spam-I-am
That Spam-I-am!
I do not like
that Spam-I-am

Do you like
junk mail and spam?

I do not like them,
Spam-I-am.
I do not like
junk mail and spam.

Would you like it
Here or there?

I would not like it
here nor there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
junk mail and spam.
I do not like them,
Spam-I-am

Would you like it
in your house?
If you like it
click your mouse.

I do not like it
in my house.
I will not click it
with my mouse.
I do not like it
here nor there.
I do not like it
anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam.
I do not like them, Spam-I-am.

Would you buy pills
in a box?
Little blue ones
for your cock?

No to a box.
No to a cock.
Not in my house.
No clicky mouse.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam.
I do not like them, Sp­­­am­­-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
in a car?
Adverts! Listen!
Here they are.

I would not,
could not,
in my car

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like ads
made of trees?
I could not, should not waste the trees.
Nor in my car! You let me be.

I do not like ads on the box.
I do not like ads for hard cocks
I do not like ads in my house
I do not click ads with my mouse
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam.
I do not like them, Spam-I-am.

Insane Great Dane
advert campaign
Could you, would you
still refrain?

No ad campaign! Nor made of trees!
Not in my car! Spam! Let me be!
I do not like ads on the box.
I do not like ads for hard cocks.
I will not click them with my mouse
I will not have ads in my house.
I do not want them here or there.
I do not want them anywhere.
I do not like them, Spam-I-am.

Say!
In the park?
Here in the park!
On the billboard in the park?

I would not, could not,
in the park.

Will Facebook, Twitter,
link to brain?

I will not link Facebook to brain.
No ads in parks. No ad campaigns,
Not in my car, not made of trees.
I do not like it, Spam, you see.
Not in my house. Not on the box.
No clicky mouse. No hard-on cocks.
I will not have ads here or there.
I do not want them anywhere!

You do not like
junk mail and spam?

I do not
like them,
Spam-I-am.

Could you, would you,
on a float?

I would not,
could not.
on a float!

Product placement on
Murder She Wrote?

I could not, would not, on a float.
I will not watch Murder She Wrote.
I will not link Facebook to brain.
I will not watch the ad campaigns.
Not in the park! Not made of trees!
Not in my car! You let me be!
I do not like them on the box.
I do not like ads for hard cocks.
I will not have ads in my house.
I do not click them with my mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
junk mail
and spam!

I do not like them,
Spam-I-am.

You do not like them.
SO you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say.

Spam!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

Say!
I hate junk mail and spam!
I do!! I hate them, Spam-I-am!
And still I hate them on a float!
And still I hate Murder She Wrote…
And I’ll ignore Facebook to brain.
And ads in parks. And ad campaigns.
And in my car. And made of trees.
They are so bad so bad you see!

So I’ll ignore them on the box.
And I’ll ignore ads for hard cocks.
And I’ll ignore them in my house.
And I’ll not click them with my mouse.
And I’ll not have them here and there.
Say! I’ll ignore them EVERYWHERE!

I do so hate
junk mail and spam!
So thanks but
No thanks,
Spam-I-am

Running for charity

Lots of people are running for charity these days; not me, other younger and far more energetic people. Amongst those people are two fabulous comedians, Tim Minchin and Mark Watson.

Mark Watson recently ran a half marathon in my home town of Bristol, and those that sponsored him raised money for a small charity called The Moldova Project, set up by his sisters.

On October 10th, Tim Minchin is running the Royal Parks Half Marathon in London to raise money for the Prince’s Foundation for Children and the Arts.

Now, Tim and Mark are friends, so when Tim found out that Mark had completed his run in less than the two hours Tim was aiming for, he decided he had to beat Mark’s time and now has a new goal of 1 hour 45  minutes. There’s a £150.00 bet riding on it. If Mark’s time of 1 hour 50 is quickest, Tim will donate to Mark’s charity and if he beats it, then Mark will donate that amount to Tim’s chosen charity.

The idea of this friendly rivalry tickled my parody bone and after a long break from parody writing I was prodded into action by a fellow Tim and Mark fan to get writing again.

I picked the song Da Do Ron Ron Ron and using the friendly ‘bet’ between the comedians as my theme, this is what I came up with.

I’m a musical comedian trying to stay slim
I do run run run, I do run run
Let me introduce myself, my name is Tim
I do run run run, I do run run

Yeah, I’m not a SIM
Yeah, my name is Tim
I live in London
I do run run run, in London-don

I have a friend and nemesis who lives close by
He too run run runs, he too run runs
He looks so weedy, but my oh my
He can run run run, he can run run

Yeah, he’s quick alright
Yeah, soon out of sight
When he races me home
Mark Watson son son, Mark Watson son

He ran a half a marathon in quite good time
Mark Watson son son, he did run run
On October 10th I’m gonna beat his time
I will run run run, half-marathon

We’ve got a bet on it
Cash to Moldova or kids?
And you can sponsor me too
On the run run run run, half marathon

I’m not sure if they actually do live close to each other, but if they don’t then the racing each other home bit is artistic license okay?


The Three Rs, Well Two Of Them Anyway

As part of my TYSIC, (Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge) I want to make more time to read and write. I love having my nose in a book, I’ve been known to finish a book in a day if it really grabs me. I also like writing; I did NaNoWriMo last November, (National Novel Writing Month) and I got a tremendous amount of satisfaction from completing a 50,000+ word novel in 30 days. Basically, it makes sense that doing more of what I love should improve my life, and the challenge would not only be in the writing process, but in finding more time for both reading and writing.

When the TYSIC started I was out of work, so finding time for reading was easy and I got through quite a few books. As a way to plot my progress with my TYSIC goals and to get back into the habit of writing, I also started this blog. However, since finding work, I only seem to be reading and writing minutes of meetings and poring over software instruction manuals, so I felt it was time to get back on track, and at the same time make sure my work/play time stays balanced. So today I read some short stories, wrote a bit of a parody and this blog.

But before I unveil my bit of a parody, I’ll give you a bit of my parody history. About four years ago I started writing parodies, probably one every week or so, and they’d take an hour or sometimes two to finish. They brought a lot of amusement to my online forum friends and I wasn’t sure whether I was doing it for the fun of creating something new and funny from an existing song, or for the affirmation received after posting them. Anyway, after a while for one reason or another I stopped writing parodies and after briefly flirting with them again last year, I lapsed into a parody-less state again.

Today I didn’t get fully back into parody-writing mode, but I did do a couple of verses of a Tim Minchin song called Not Perfect before reality called and I had to go and do grown-up stuff. I’ve written from God’s viewpoint for the first verse and the Devil’s for the second. I’m afraid I’m a bit rusty as I’m out of practice, but hopefully I’ll do a few more over the next ten years and they should improve. Here’s what I wrote. 🙂

This is my heaven
And I’m boss of it
It’s one third clouds and
Two thirds blue sky
And it floats around in outer space
Invisible to the human race
And is filled with lovely Christians and their pets
There are gates to keep those without sin
safe from bad guys entering
‘because my bouncer Peter, stops them getting in

This is my heaven
And it’s fine
It’s where the Christians want to go when it is their time
It is perfect
And it’s mine
It is perfect

This is my hell
And I’m boss of it
It’s pretty hot
And rather crowded
And I rule the place with whips and chains
But not many people complain
And that’s because those people… like it.
And the funny thing is that I am
An undercover car-sales man
And really rather rubbish at my day job

This is my hell
And it’s fine
It’s where the Christians go when they are bad in their lives
It is perfect
and it’s mine
It is perfect

Sorry, I know it’s not perfect, but it is mine. 😉