Tag Archive: Humor


Fellow musical-comedy fan friends have often mentioned Eddie’s work to me, so he’s been on my radar for a while. But money is tight and my comedy dollar has to go a long way, Eddie has never made it onto my schedule until now.

Misanthropology is Eddie Perfect’s latest show and he performed it at the Brisbane Powerhouse from July 20 to July 23. I was there on Saturday the 23rd with some of those aforementioned friends. The room was dark, we were sat around a table to the left of the centre-stage cat-walk. A deep voice echoed in the darkness. “In the beginning… there was nothing, and then our universe was created with a bang, (small noise.) a BIG bang, (bigger noise,) and then lots of stuff happened…”

The ‘lots of stuff’ seems to have slowed down in recent years, and Eddie, resplendent in an 80s looking silvery suit lamented that man has done so much great stuff, but there are always those that let the side down. They betray our humble beginnings as sea animals that happened by some accident of evolution to have crawled to the shore, and then went on to evolve hands and use tools.

As a species we have made great inventions but still manage to do some very stupid things, and think some very stupid thoughts. We have ourselves on a pedestal above all other animals and presume to know what they think, when really we don’t have a clue. And although we should know better by now, we are still doing awful things to the environment, messing up our world, and almost worse than that, awful pretentious things in the name of art.

You wouldn’t think that such a depressing subject would be so funny, but the seven songs with stand-up in between, had the room laughing all the way through. He mocked humanity, with great wit, touching on several examples of how we seem to have hit a glass ceiling in evolution. Having the three-piece backing band on bass guitar, electronic drum kit, and keyboards, left Eddie free to walk about the stage and onto the catwalk. From my vantage point I could clearly see the perspiration on his forehead glistening as he energetically belted out the songs.

He did pop behind the keyboard for a brief stint during his song about a father who bought breast implants for his 22-year-old daughter. That song was my favourite one in the show, full of razzamatazz, brilliant lighting and just a fantastic performance. Be warned, it’s the sort of song you can hum after only one listen.

One of my friends has been watching the Tour de France and she enjoyed ‘Self-Righteous Cyclist’ a lot, the tightly clad in lycra Eddie was enjoyed for other reasons by other members of the audience. Possibly those that watch him on Offspring. He also impersonated a well-known female presenter who seems to think sportsmen who behave appallingly with young girls are OK, and the girls really wanted what they got, which was raped. Another song about how living with a primitive tribe may not be all it’s cracked up to be, saw Eddie wearing a headpiece that would not look amiss on Jay Kay of Jamiroquai.

If it all sounds a bit dark and twisted, well, it is. But it’s dark, twisted and funny.

Me and Eddie after the show on July 23, 2011. Thank you Kim for taking the photo. 😉

The encore was a semi-serious song, performed solo, with just Eddie on the keyboard. I was enjoying it so much that I didn’t get the poignancy of it at first as I was too busy enjoying the performance to actually listen to the words. In fact there were a few instances throughout the show, where I’d hear a laugh around the room and realise I’d missed a punchline during a song because I was too busy enjoying the voice and music without actually listening to the lyrics. But that’s my fault, I tend to drift sometimes when listening to good music.

Thankfully Eddie had CDs of the show, recorded at The Famous Speigeltent, at the Sydney Festival for sale in the foyer for $25.00. And although he had not been well, he still stayed behind after the show for autographs and photos. What a lovely guy.

For more information on Eddie Perfect go to his official website.

Spam-I-Am – A Seuss Parody

I haven’t done a full parody for a long time and as I had nothing better to do on a Saturday night, I now present to you my first  parody of a book. Dr Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham. My previous blog post shows where I found my inspiration.

JUNK MAIL AND SPAM

I am Spam

I am Spam
Spam I am

That Spam-I-am
That Spam-I-am!
I do not like
that Spam-I-am

Do you like
junk mail and spam?

I do not like them,
Spam-I-am.
I do not like
junk mail and spam.

Would you like it
Here or there?

I would not like it
here nor there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
junk mail and spam.
I do not like them,
Spam-I-am

Would you like it
in your house?
If you like it
click your mouse.

I do not like it
in my house.
I will not click it
with my mouse.
I do not like it
here nor there.
I do not like it
anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam.
I do not like them, Spam-I-am.

Would you buy pills
in a box?
Little blue ones
for your cock?

No to a box.
No to a cock.
Not in my house.
No clicky mouse.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam.
I do not like them, Sp­­­am­­-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
in a car?
Adverts! Listen!
Here they are.

I would not,
could not,
in my car

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like ads
made of trees?
I could not, should not waste the trees.
Nor in my car! You let me be.

I do not like ads on the box.
I do not like ads for hard cocks
I do not like ads in my house
I do not click ads with my mouse
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam.
I do not like them, Spam-I-am.

Insane Great Dane
advert campaign
Could you, would you
still refrain?

No ad campaign! Nor made of trees!
Not in my car! Spam! Let me be!
I do not like ads on the box.
I do not like ads for hard cocks.
I will not click them with my mouse
I will not have ads in my house.
I do not want them here or there.
I do not want them anywhere.
I do not like them, Spam-I-am.

Say!
In the park?
Here in the park!
On the billboard in the park?

I would not, could not,
in the park.

Will Facebook, Twitter,
link to brain?

I will not link Facebook to brain.
No ads in parks. No ad campaigns,
Not in my car, not made of trees.
I do not like it, Spam, you see.
Not in my house. Not on the box.
No clicky mouse. No hard-on cocks.
I will not have ads here or there.
I do not want them anywhere!

You do not like
junk mail and spam?

I do not
like them,
Spam-I-am.

Could you, would you,
on a float?

I would not,
could not.
on a float!

Product placement on
Murder She Wrote?

I could not, would not, on a float.
I will not watch Murder She Wrote.
I will not link Facebook to brain.
I will not watch the ad campaigns.
Not in the park! Not made of trees!
Not in my car! You let me be!
I do not like them on the box.
I do not like ads for hard cocks.
I will not have ads in my house.
I do not click them with my mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
junk mail
and spam!

I do not like them,
Spam-I-am.

You do not like them.
SO you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say.

Spam!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

Say!
I hate junk mail and spam!
I do!! I hate them, Spam-I-am!
And still I hate them on a float!
And still I hate Murder She Wrote…
And I’ll ignore Facebook to brain.
And ads in parks. And ad campaigns.
And in my car. And made of trees.
They are so bad so bad you see!

So I’ll ignore them on the box.
And I’ll ignore ads for hard cocks.
And I’ll ignore them in my house.
And I’ll not click them with my mouse.
And I’ll not have them here and there.
Say! I’ll ignore them EVERYWHERE!

I do so hate
junk mail and spam!
So thanks but
No thanks,
Spam-I-am

Drowning In Advertising

Years ago, when we first got cable TV in Australia, one of the draw-cards was that there were no adverts on cable. Unfortunately, this has now changed. I flicked through the cable and free-to-air TV channels last night and saw a lot of adverts and not many programs.

My only escape, apart from our trusty DVD collection is the ABC. Fortunately, they have many fine programs, and we don’t even have to pay for the privilege, unlike the UK and their BBC TV license.

My computer used to be a safe, ad-free place, but now Facebook has adverts, so does YouTube, and almost everywhere I look online, someone wants my money.

My letter box spews forth a million more temptations. In the past two days I’ve received two free newspapers full of adverts, and if those weren’t enough, there were brochures inside those newspapers. I also got two tightly bound rolls of paper, yielding another thirty pieces of junk mail. Add to that; commercial TV and radio, the internet, and the odd, uninvited email, and I am drowning in advertising.

I’m reminded of the persistent Sam I Am of Dr Seuss’ Green Eggs And Ham, with a few liberties taken with the original words:

 

 

I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam
I do not want it Spam I Am!

Unlike the outcome of the book, Spam I Am will not win me over with his constant nagging. Apart from the fact that I’ve got no money to spare, I want to make a stand against it on principle.

I am so irritated by the plethora of pamphlets and the abundance of advertising that I am going to buy a nice ‘NO JUNK MAIL’ sticker for my letter box. Perhaps if enough of us do this we can eventually cut down on the huge amount of  paper jammed into letter boxes every year. Let’s face it, most of it goes straight into the recycle bin without even being read! Businesses have enough outlets to peddle their wares, they do not need to invade our letter boxes too.

Now having read over all that, I think it’s official: I’ve turned into a grumpy old woman.

Running for charity

Lots of people are running for charity these days; not me, other younger and far more energetic people. Amongst those people are two fabulous comedians, Tim Minchin and Mark Watson.

Mark Watson recently ran a half marathon in my home town of Bristol, and those that sponsored him raised money for a small charity called The Moldova Project, set up by his sisters.

On October 10th, Tim Minchin is running the Royal Parks Half Marathon in London to raise money for the Prince’s Foundation for Children and the Arts.

Now, Tim and Mark are friends, so when Tim found out that Mark had completed his run in less than the two hours Tim was aiming for, he decided he had to beat Mark’s time and now has a new goal of 1 hour 45  minutes. There’s a £150.00 bet riding on it. If Mark’s time of 1 hour 50 is quickest, Tim will donate to Mark’s charity and if he beats it, then Mark will donate that amount to Tim’s chosen charity.

The idea of this friendly rivalry tickled my parody bone and after a long break from parody writing I was prodded into action by a fellow Tim and Mark fan to get writing again.

I picked the song Da Do Ron Ron Ron and using the friendly ‘bet’ between the comedians as my theme, this is what I came up with.

I’m a musical comedian trying to stay slim
I do run run run, I do run run
Let me introduce myself, my name is Tim
I do run run run, I do run run

Yeah, I’m not a SIM
Yeah, my name is Tim
I live in London
I do run run run, in London-don

I have a friend and nemesis who lives close by
He too run run runs, he too run runs
He looks so weedy, but my oh my
He can run run run, he can run run

Yeah, he’s quick alright
Yeah, soon out of sight
When he races me home
Mark Watson son son, Mark Watson son

He ran a half a marathon in quite good time
Mark Watson son son, he did run run
On October 10th I’m gonna beat his time
I will run run run, half-marathon

We’ve got a bet on it
Cash to Moldova or kids?
And you can sponsor me too
On the run run run run, half marathon

I’m not sure if they actually do live close to each other, but if they don’t then the racing each other home bit is artistic license okay?


Extreme Sport

Last week my son joined the Facebook group, Extreme Ironing. According to the official website, extreme ironing is “the latest danger sport that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt.”

It briefly crossed my mind that perhaps as part of my Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge, I should participate in something a bit crazy and out of my comfort zone to see if it would build my confidence, but that thought quickly disappeared. Surely you’d have to have some kind of insanity in your character to do something like ironing while abseiling?

Personally I think that normal ironing is dangerous enough; firstly there is the extremely hot iron and all that scalding steam, then there’s the easy-to-trip-over electric cord, and lastly there is the finger-trapping ironing board. But does that stop me ironing? No, I iron all the time. Well, that’s not strictly true; if an item has been in the dryer and looks good enough I will just fold it and put it away. However, the reason for that would be less about my safety, and more about my laziness.

Generally I do tend to avoid scary things. I would not dream of  jumping out of a perfectly good plane, and casually iron my undies while trying to remember which cord I need to pull for the parachute to open. Well, I don’t iron undies anyway, let alone while plummeting to the earth at a gazillion miles per hour. I should be seeing my life flash before my eyes, not my knickers. But some insanely confident and strange people do these  thrill-seeking things, just not people like me.

Actually, now I come to think of it, even normal sport is not my thing. The closest I ever got to sport was watching snooker on the TV in the 80s. I didn’t enjoy it much, I only watched it because my husband liked it. An extreme version of snooker might be fun to watch; this Jackie Chan fight scene springs to mind.

So, it didn’t take long to decide that I won’t be doing anything extreme, anytime soon. I’ll continue to get my rush of adrenaline while merging on the motorway every morning on the way to work; although, it’s less like an adrenaline rush and more like white-knuckled, abject fear.

As for my son, I think he likes the idea of extreme ironing as a sport, but I don’t think he will actually be taking it up. It would be nice if he did some normal ironing. Maybe if I pointed out its subtle dangers he might be tempted?