Tag Archive: advertising


Spam-I-Am – A Seuss Parody

I haven’t done a full parody for a long time and as I had nothing better to do on a Saturday night, I now present to you my first  parody of a book. Dr Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham. My previous blog post shows where I found my inspiration.

JUNK MAIL AND SPAM

I am Spam

I am Spam
Spam I am

That Spam-I-am
That Spam-I-am!
I do not like
that Spam-I-am

Do you like
junk mail and spam?

I do not like them,
Spam-I-am.
I do not like
junk mail and spam.

Would you like it
Here or there?

I would not like it
here nor there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
junk mail and spam.
I do not like them,
Spam-I-am

Would you like it
in your house?
If you like it
click your mouse.

I do not like it
in my house.
I will not click it
with my mouse.
I do not like it
here nor there.
I do not like it
anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam.
I do not like them, Spam-I-am.

Would you buy pills
in a box?
Little blue ones
for your cock?

No to a box.
No to a cock.
Not in my house.
No clicky mouse.
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam.
I do not like them, Sp­­­am­­-I-am.

Would you? Could you?
in a car?
Adverts! Listen!
Here they are.

I would not,
could not,
in my car

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like ads
made of trees?
I could not, should not waste the trees.
Nor in my car! You let me be.

I do not like ads on the box.
I do not like ads for hard cocks
I do not like ads in my house
I do not click ads with my mouse
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam.
I do not like them, Spam-I-am.

Insane Great Dane
advert campaign
Could you, would you
still refrain?

No ad campaign! Nor made of trees!
Not in my car! Spam! Let me be!
I do not like ads on the box.
I do not like ads for hard cocks.
I will not click them with my mouse
I will not have ads in my house.
I do not want them here or there.
I do not want them anywhere.
I do not like them, Spam-I-am.

Say!
In the park?
Here in the park!
On the billboard in the park?

I would not, could not,
in the park.

Will Facebook, Twitter,
link to brain?

I will not link Facebook to brain.
No ads in parks. No ad campaigns,
Not in my car, not made of trees.
I do not like it, Spam, you see.
Not in my house. Not on the box.
No clicky mouse. No hard-on cocks.
I will not have ads here or there.
I do not want them anywhere!

You do not like
junk mail and spam?

I do not
like them,
Spam-I-am.

Could you, would you,
on a float?

I would not,
could not.
on a float!

Product placement on
Murder She Wrote?

I could not, would not, on a float.
I will not watch Murder She Wrote.
I will not link Facebook to brain.
I will not watch the ad campaigns.
Not in the park! Not made of trees!
Not in my car! You let me be!
I do not like them on the box.
I do not like ads for hard cocks.
I will not have ads in my house.
I do not click them with my mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!

I do not like
junk mail
and spam!

I do not like them,
Spam-I-am.

You do not like them.
SO you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may I say.

Spam!
If you will let me be,
I will try them.
You will see.

Say!
I hate junk mail and spam!
I do!! I hate them, Spam-I-am!
And still I hate them on a float!
And still I hate Murder She Wrote…
And I’ll ignore Facebook to brain.
And ads in parks. And ad campaigns.
And in my car. And made of trees.
They are so bad so bad you see!

So I’ll ignore them on the box.
And I’ll ignore ads for hard cocks.
And I’ll ignore them in my house.
And I’ll not click them with my mouse.
And I’ll not have them here and there.
Say! I’ll ignore them EVERYWHERE!

I do so hate
junk mail and spam!
So thanks but
No thanks,
Spam-I-am

Advertisements

Drowning In Advertising

Years ago, when we first got cable TV in Australia, one of the draw-cards was that there were no adverts on cable. Unfortunately, this has now changed. I flicked through the cable and free-to-air TV channels last night and saw a lot of adverts and not many programs.

My only escape, apart from our trusty DVD collection is the ABC. Fortunately, they have many fine programs, and we don’t even have to pay for the privilege, unlike the UK and their BBC TV license.

My computer used to be a safe, ad-free place, but now Facebook has adverts, so does YouTube, and almost everywhere I look online, someone wants my money.

My letter box spews forth a million more temptations. In the past two days I’ve received two free newspapers full of adverts, and if those weren’t enough, there were brochures inside those newspapers. I also got two tightly bound rolls of paper, yielding another thirty pieces of junk mail. Add to that; commercial TV and radio, the internet, and the odd, uninvited email, and I am drowning in advertising.

I’m reminded of the persistent Sam I Am of Dr Seuss’ Green Eggs And Ham, with a few liberties taken with the original words:

 

 

I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I do not like junk mail and spam
I do not want it Spam I Am!

Unlike the outcome of the book, Spam I Am will not win me over with his constant nagging. Apart from the fact that I’ve got no money to spare, I want to make a stand against it on principle.

I am so irritated by the plethora of pamphlets and the abundance of advertising that I am going to buy a nice ‘NO JUNK MAIL’ sticker for my letter box. Perhaps if enough of us do this we can eventually cut down on the huge amount of  paper jammed into letter boxes every year. Let’s face it, most of it goes straight into the recycle bin without even being read! Businesses have enough outlets to peddle their wares, they do not need to invade our letter boxes too.

Now having read over all that, I think it’s official: I’ve turned into a grumpy old woman.